Opinion piece by Bradley Mullis
To all the men of Armstrong:
Are you tired of self-righteous women bruising our fragile male ego every second they get? Let me tell you something fellas, I personally can’t stand it. Every time we as men turn around, it seems as though women are bellyaching about something, whether they’re wanting us to stop telling them how to dress, or telling them what medications they’re allowed to use, or even something so trivial as trying to understand why they won’t have sex us with us when we want it.
I know we’re all sick of women bothering us about such meaningless drivel, but as the Super Bowl approaches this upcoming weekend, we know they’re only going to ruin the one moment of testosterone-fueled happiness that we get once a year. If only there was a place men could go to enjoy this violent, back breaking event…
But wait… There is. An Armstrong student who shall bask in nameless glory, has taken the initiative to create an event called “Superbowl Party(Guys Only)”, which is apparently sponsored by the Baptist Collegiate Ministries. That’s right guys, if your girlfriend, fiancé, wife, or FWB starts giving you a hard time, just pop on over to the Science Center in room 1402 to join the Baptist Collegiate Ministries so that you can stew in a room that will probably end up reeking of pizza farts and other men agreeing that “yeah, chicks would have just made this so not fun dude hahaha.”
Students of Armstrong, I can’t tell you how happy I am to see a religious organization finally come out and just say that there are some events where women are not welcome. It’s such a feeling of relief to see that there are still a couple of good guys around who still know the value of eating food in a cold room while watching pumped up men ruin their bodies on a round-backed Vizio and chuckling while they say “no homo” whenever they bump into one another accidentally.